What Miley Cyrus was Trying to Do vs What She Did @ The VMA’s

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: She was trying to have her “I’m a grown woman!” moment. Britney achieved this with a sexy and sparkly striptease. She also wore a fedora and one of those cordless pop music microphones.

OMG! So cutting edge.

THAT THONG. So unexpected.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: She danced around with a bunch of oversized stuffed animals and unenthused pink bears.

She fist-pumped and screamed.

And had a stuffed animal rub her back.

Then her clothes came off and she took out a large finger with a big red nail.

Hmmmm.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Get into the zone and really have a moment with herself. Britney achieved this by dancing her ass off. She also had crimped hair.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Scream with an oversized finger with a big red nail.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Stripper chic.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Rub a finger that had a huge red nail in her crotch.

And she stuck her tongue out a lot.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Make sexy sophisticated yet raunchy faces.

Britney achieved this because she’s a flawless and iconic human being.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Point a large fake finger at Robin Thicke.

The fake finger was also used as a faux penis.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS WAS TRYING TO DO: Steal the show.

WHAT MILEY CYRUS ACTUALLY DID: Make pink bears sad.

See:

Basically, I think you get the point. This is how you do a coming-of-age performance:

And this is how you don’t:

DO NOT TRY TO BE THE QUEEN.

It will only end in disappointment and failure.